Artwork: Shakti Christa Fox
For most of my sexual life I experienced chronic vaginal pain.
At times sex hurt so bad I would grip the pillow, clench my jaw and wait for it to be over.
Afterwards I’d experience inflammation and pain lasting for weeks – sometimes it would lead to a yeast infection, then to vaginitis, sometimes a UTI (Urinary Tract Infection).
Sex became a thing I wanted more than anything yet couldn’t enjoy. I wondered if it was my partners…
Maybe their penis was too big? Or it’s because they have foreskin, or not a good match biologically?
I looked all over for answers – searched online, went to doctors, healers – they couldn’t find anything wrong.
And yet I felt it.
Something wasn’t quite right down there. It took me years of searching and self exploration to discover the chronic pain was from several vaginal traumas I experienced as a young woman.
Not all women with vaginal trauma experience extreme symptoms such as chronic pain or infections. The symptoms can be also very subtle.
Here’s some ways vaginal trauma can show up:
- Trouble connecting with your partner during sex
- Lack of interest in sex
- Numb feeling in your vagina or breasts
- Inability to experience an orgasm
- A feeling of something being ‘off’ down there yet tests all come back negative
An estimated ½ of women have experienced some sort of sexual trauma. Our sensitive vaginas store these traumas.
Trauma is defined as anything that happened too soon or too fast – before your body was prepared for it.
Trauma can encompass a wide range of experiences, all the way from a woman not being lubricated when her partner entered her to a sexual assault.
No matter what type of trauma, our vaginal muscles store it.
In my case, losing my virginity was very traumatic. The man was much older than me and quite aggressive. After this experience, my vagina closed off to future partners. The muscles became hard and stiff, bracing, which led to years of pain during intercourse.
The good news is you can heal vaginal pain yourself through Self Yoni-Massage.
I haven’t experienced vaginal pain since beginning this practice 3 years ago. I also experience the most profound orgasms of my life, on my own and with partners.
In this case, you are your own best healer!
If you have a partner you can do this practice with them, but I’ve found the most deep sexual healing we can do is with ourselves.
IMPORTANT: BEFORE you begin you must make sure you don’t have any tissue inflammation
Before we can heal the muscular trauma using self massage we first have to heal any tissue inflammation.
It’s vital to treat any inflammation BEFORE starting your massage practice or it can make the pain even worse or lead to infection. Do not do self massage if you have a yeast infection, STD or anything else going on.
Not all women will need this step. If you don’t experience inflammation, pain during sex, recurrent infections or anything like that please skip right to the Self Yoni Massage section.
Tissue inflammation typically comes from infection or high sensitivity (some women have very sensitive vagina’s in the same way some have sensitive skin).
To treat this, put Boric Acid pills up your vagina every night for 7 nights before starting your Self Yoni Massage Practice.
These pills are an absolute lifesaver!!! They are totally natural and harmless.
After dealing with chronic vaginal pain I can tell you, nothing works like Boric Acid – it balances the PH levels in your vagina, making it less likely for bacteria to flourish.
To get these pills go to the pharmacy and ask. They have them behind the counter but they are not prescription. They are about $1 per pill. (You may notice some extra discharge the nights you put them in so sleep on an extra sheet or with underwear so it doesn’t leak through.)
What is Self Yoni Massage Practice?
The first step in healing vaginal trauma is to relax and release your vaginal muscles. We do this through Self Yoni Massage.
The word ‘Yoni’ roughly translates from Sanskrit to “Sacred Space.”
Ideally your yoni muscles will be on the loose and soft side, not super hard and rigid.
Hard and rigid muscles need to be softened through massage BEFORE they can be strengthened through other means like a Jade Egg.
Without first softening the vaginal muscles Jade Egg practices can cause more trauma. Many women report the Jade Egg to be very uncomfortable and painful.
Self Yoni Massage has other benefits such as:
- More flexible pelvic floor muscles
- Softer tissue around the opening
- Become more in-tune with their taste, smell and feel
- Feel more sensitivity and pleasure inside
- Have lots more juice flowing
- Feel more connected to yourself
- Have stronger and more powerful orgasms
How to Practice Self Yoni Massage:
Step 1 – Set Sacred Space
This is a sacred practice. Before starting I recommend warming up with a hot bath or shower, creating a safe space you feel good in, turning off your phone, lighting candles if you like and play some soft music.
Create a sacred container for this work. I sage before I begin, make sure I have soft fresh sheets. I like to go all out to ensure I feel safe and good in my environment.
Make sure you won’t be interrupted for at least 20 minutes, some women spend much longer. It’s up to you.
Have some coconut oil handy. Also have a journal and pen nearby.
Step 2 – Massage the Areas Surrounding Your Yoni
The first most important step is to slowly touch the areas surrounding your vagina – your inner thighs, pelvis, abdomen, all around your pubic bone and vulva area… before touching your yoni directly.
You can use the pictures below to get a sense of how many muscles are surrounding our vaginas and the interconnectedness of these muscles.
Take your times and move slowly as you massage all the areas around your vagina without touching your vagina directly yet.
Massage yourself with the gentle sweet care you’d massage your lover with.
You can also touch your breasts, legs, face. Whatever feels good. Trust your intuition and where your hands lead you. Listen to yourself.
Step 3 – Write Down Anything that Comes Up
Whatever comes up during this process write it down – you may get Images, thoughts, emotions, anything, write them down.
Note where it feels good and where you tense up. Note how easily your breath as you move up your thighs and all around your vulva.
Be compassionate with yourself too. If you’re not used to touching yourself this way know that it takes time to connect with these parts of ourselves. If you feel uncomfortable that’s ok, anger, that’s ok, sadness, fear. it’s all ok. Welcome all of it!
It’s important to go REALLY slow here. Take your time.
Step 4 – Move Toward Your Vaginal Opening
As you slowly move toward your vaginal opening and labia, massage them very gently. Touch your clitorous lightly.
If you get turned on – Welcome it! If you start to get wet this is great, it means you’re ready for your fingers to enter. If you aren’t becoming wet I recommend using coconut oil to lubricate your fingers before entering your vaginal opening.
The idea is to be super soft with yourself and not force anything. Coconut oil lubricant helps lessen friction.
Step 5 – Enter Your Yoni
After you’ve loosened the surrounding muscles use your index finger to place pressure against the vaginal opening.
You have to use your intuition here and trust where feels like it needs a release. Use the tip of your index finger to put pressure against the muscles just inside the opening. I press the muscles up against the bone and I get a pinching feeling that feels like I hit a trigger point. I hold on the point until it releases. You can also contract the muscles around your finger to sense where the pain points are.
It’s helpful to imagine white healing light coming from your fingers and cleansing away any stored trauma.
This is a self exploration and every woman is different. The way you do this massage will be unique to you. Part of the process is in getting to know what works for you specifically and what feels right for you.
There’s no right or wrong way to do this practice – the point is to get you in tune with your yoni and to consciously and mindfully release the muscles.
The first few times I did this practice I felt intense pain as I worked out the muscles. Over time I started reaching deeper and deeper muscles and releasing more and more stored pain higher up my vaginal canal.
Sometimes after releasing the muscles I’ll have the urge to self pleasure and give myself an orgasm. It can be a profound release after moving the pain from the muscles. It’s a fantastic way to heal.
TRUST yourself – do what feels good for your unique body.
After you’ve completed your massage take some time to sit in silence with yourself. This is very deep work!
I recommend doing this practice at least once a week. Take it slow, no need to rush. Only massage yourself to the level you’re comfortable with. If you feel uncomfortable you can stop anytime.
If you have intense emotions or memories come up seek support from friends, a coach, mentor, healer etc.,
Keep following your notes in your journal as you progress and heal, and remember this is an ongoing practice – not an overnight cure.
If you have any questions please reach out to me!