A Letter to My Friends Currently in Grief (((Grief is Not Linear)))

((( Grief is Not Linear )))

There is no right amount of time, to be in grief.

There is no recipe, no formula, no perfect way to navigate the depths of heartache, pain, and sadness that follow loss.

Loss of a dream, loss of hope, loss of love, loss of someone, loss of a soul we only carried for a short time, loss of someone we knew and loved for years…

Yes, with love there will be loss, and with love, there will be grief. Lots of it.

Grief can blow through us like a heavy wind, carrying us off into a dark territory we’ve yet to explore.

You come to this place, with no compass.

You simply have to let go, and let what’s happening in. Let it all in, you are strong enough for this.

Grief looks a million ways, but “together” isn’t one of them.
It looks like sleepless nights spent pleading with God to bring back what was lost…

It looks like moments of heart shatter and bursting into tears when the cashier asks how your day was…

Grief looks like desperately trying to see the beauty in something, anything, to remind you that you’re alive – just let go. You don’t have to be in that place just yet. You’ll get there, in your own time.

Grief is not linear. You have permission to feel.
Feel as deeply as you possibly can.

Go ahead and dive deep beyond the surface, and when you come up for air, remember you’re safe.

Remember you can swim, even when you feel as though this sorrow and pain might drown you to death and the tears flowing out of you may never stop… Remember you’re safe. Let yourself be held in a lullaby of your Ancestors, you are not alone in this.

Grief is a teacher. The Dark Goddess comes to us when we least expect her, and we try to run.

We fight and we thrash against the medicine she carries – Death, it’s too much to bare at times. We wish to sweep it all away and make things tidy.

We wish to not feel so deeply for the discomfort of being met with confusion – our people have not been taught how to hold space for death. But do not shy away, you become a teacher in your own grief.

Do not succumb to our culture’s fear of feeling the hurt.
Do not allow shame to seep into your bones for the rage and the sadness that runs through your veins. Do not rush this process.

Here is where you find yourself reborn. And with loss, a part of you will die. You’re changed, forever, that’s it – no going back. And that’s ok.

This, my dear, is how you become wise.
This, my dear, is how your Ancestors became keepers of ancient wisdom.

You are strong enough, brave enough, courageous enough. Grief is not a linear process, take as much time as you need.

I love you 💗

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by
Sheleana is a writer, mentor, and women's work facilitator in Vancouver, BC. She is a certified breathwork facilitator and trained full-spectrum doula offering full-spectrum abortion, miscarriage, pregnancy and birth support to women and couples. Sheleana is passionate about working 1-1 with women on Conscious Relationship, Childhood Wounds and the Mother Wound and occasionally co-leads workshops in her area. She draws on her own life experience, years of personal study, and continual in person training as a teachers assistant under Transpersonal Therapist and Teacher, Phil Mistlberger. You'll find Sheleana in just a few places: cuddled up at home with her partner, in Conscious Relationship Training and Shadow Work Therapy Chambers, and for breakfast and bookstore dates with her best friend and co-facilitator, Heather.
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