An Open Letter to Men: Let Me See Your Heart

I want you to know that I see you for more than what society expects of you.

I want you to know that I see the ways in which we (women) have contributed to the wounding of the masculine psyche.

We don’t often recognize that while we talk about how men have hurt women in this culture, women are also hurting men.

With our words, our actions, and our unreasonable exceptions of you.

I’m sorry.

I want you to know that being vulnerable is masculine.

That to give me the gift of seeing you in your vulnerability is a blessing, not something to curse.

I want you to know that I will never tell you to “man-up” again. It must hurt to hear that when you are stumbling, you are no longer perceived as a man.

I know that as a man, you want to provide, and that sometimes it can be difficult in our society to live up to the expectations placed upon you.

You may even be confused as to what’s expected of you now that so much has changed.

As women, we don’t always make it easy for you.

We can and will take care of ourselves, and so where does that leave you as a person who’s wired to be a provider and protector?

Dear men, we still want you. We still need you.

I want you to know that your energy, your presence, your commitment and your devotion show me that I am safe, protected and cared for.

That is enough, you are enough.

I want you to know that you should not be expected to hold space 24-7 without ever having the same opportunity extended to you.

But that it’s also important for you to rely on your male friendships for the opportunity to share your emotion.

Now we are shifting into a time where men are re-learning to be open with one another.

Join a mens group, find a safe space with friends to connect and share your emotions, but don’t hide them from me.

I want you to know that I can hold space for you too, just like you do for me.

I can witness your emotions, sit with your tears, or be with you when you’re confused.

You are human, it’s ok if you stumble.

I will not leave you if you cry.

I want you to know that you’re not expected to perform like a porn star or have a huge, hard-all-the-time cock to please a woman.

Most of all, making love is about presence, it’s about passion, it’s about true connection.

Make eye contact with me when our bodies connect, show me you’re with me, give me your energy, and you will feel our passion rise to create true love.

We have all been damaged by sex in media. Don’t let that be your lens for what sexuality should look like.

If your body shuts down on you in the bedroom, trust that you’re not alone. This happens to every man, and any woman who’s in touch with her sexuality will not make it about her.

When things go sideways let’s laugh together. Intimacy is more than just sex, it’s about kisses, snuggles, eye-gazing, and conversation. It’s many forms of expression.

I want you to know, that you are most attractive when you are fully expressed. I want to see you dance, to laugh, to play, to hug and give/receive love.

Dear men, you are safe to be yourself.

As a woman, I promise to do my best to contribute to the rising and healing of the masculine, alongside the feminine.

This is not a one sided journey. We need women to rise, and we need men. We need you too, so please show up with us.

I want you to know that I see you.

You are valuable beyond measure and the gifts you provide are different and unique to what a woman provides, and this is why communities are made up of all genders, not just men or just women.

We are meant to work together, to support one another, to cherish each others differences, not demonize them because we have false expectations that aren’t being met.

I want you to know that I will do my healing work and support women in theirs so that projections of the mother or father are not placed upon you in relationship. And I invite you to do the same.

You are not responsible for my happiness. It is not your job to “fix me”.

I want you to know that I will do my best to support women in honoring you, and sometimes that will look like them learning to honor themselves first.

You have the opportunity to lead as a conscious man in this world. To demonstrate what it’s like to live with an open heart, as a humble leader with a mission.

And I believe in you.

Sheleana is the Founder and Visionary of Rising Woman. She is a Conscious Relationship and Spiritual Psychology writer and Creator of an online program called Becoming the One. Sheleana spent 4 years as an apprentice in transpersonal group-work containers, depth psychology, and shadow work with a Spiritual teacher and went on to Co-Facilitate women's groups and Conscious Relationship workshops. She has trained in imago couples facilitation, tantra, couples work, somatic healing and is also a full-spectrum birth doula.
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