5 Ways to Cultivate True Inner Confidence


Saturday, January 16th, 2016

Recently I had a friend come to me and ask how I developed my confidence. She said “when you walk into a room, you just own your right to be there”, she wanted where that came from.

My past is a bit wild, I was a part-time street kid. Half the time I was living in foster homes, half the time I was out on hanging on the street with friends much older than me smoking weed and drinking.

Maybe part of my confidence in taking what I want and need is because I had to do that growing up or I wouldn’t have survived. Truthfully, I am not sure, and I am surely not confident all of the time. I am full of insecurities and doubts just like any other woman, sometimes I feel more insecure than confident, but it’s true that when it comes time for me to take action, my confidence shines through.

We all come with flaws and insecurities and voices in our head telling us we aren’t worthy of whatever and all that nonsense, but we can wire that out of our consciousness. As Richard Bandler always says, just tell that voice “Shut the F up!” In my early 20’s I told myself to shut the F up a lot

5 Ways to Cultivate Inner Confidence

1. Question everything.

Don’t just go along with what you’re told, ask yourself what YOU believe. I used to walk around my house and analyze all my thoughts down to the wire, why do I believe this, why do I believe that, who installed that in me? Do I want to keep it? Yes, cool, no, great let’s clear that out then. Being confident comes with knowing what you stand for, leading your own way, not following behind and running on a program someone else installed for you and you never bothered to upgrade.

2. Don’t settle, you can get exactly what you want.

Even if it’s not popular, even if it’s hard to find, you can get what you want. First, you have to know what you want, or think you know what you want. I get a lot of people asking me to figure out what their purpose is in life.

Some of us will find our purpose in life early, some of us will not. Some of us will have many purposes in life, and that’s important to remember. Stop waiting around to figure out that ONE thing that you’re meant to do in this world, and just pick something you love and do that. You’re not chained to your path, you can change direction anytime.

When someone asks me how to figure out what they want to do, I just say, do what you wanna do now, and then later, do something else. Not the most genius advice, but it’s worked for me. I’ve been in real estate, online business, mining industry, I owned an import business selling clothes and bags from China, now I run an online health blog, and just decided I want to compete in pole fitness – totally random, and that’s ok. Do it all, you’ve got time!

3. If you’re weird, own it. If you’re straight edge, own that too.

When I was in high school I used to try to change my personality to be less outgoing. I thought I would be liked more if I was one of those quiet and sweet girls. Yea, not happening. People tell me I’m sweet now and that’s awesome, but sometimes they also tell me I’m hardcore, crazy, and hilarious. I don’t hold back anymore, and neither should you. Own who you are, it’s only gonna get better. Seek to understand yourself and appreciate yourself more. Find out what qualities you possess that you can use to your own advantage. We all have them.

4. You don’t have to integrate into a society you didn’t help design, if you don’t want to.

Nuclear family structures, having kids, getting married (oops, did that), working a job, doing what society expects of you, all of these things can be very rewarding if you choose them because they’re what you actually want, not because that’s just what you’re supposed to do.

Life doesn’t have to be lived in a linear fashion. Growth and personal exploration isn’t for your 20’s, it’s for life! I can’t tell you how many times a woman has said to me “Oh yea, I explored my sexuality a lot in my 20’s, but not it’s time for me to settle down and grow up, I want something real now.” Really? That’s interesting. Note the belief in our culture that asking questions and exploring ourselves is for children… might there be an element in control of consciousness there? Naw, of course not

5. If you want to do something and it doesn’t harm you or others, do it!

Stop worrying so much about what people will think of you. Quit apologizing for everything, and give up asking permission all the time. One of my girlfriends is running a cycle right now where she’s learning to start giving less of a fluff.

When she’s at my house, she apologizes for things I don’t even notice she does, or she asks permission for things over and over. I’ve started just giving her smart ass replies. If she asks if she can eat a piece of chocolate, I tell her absolutely not and just walk away. If she asks if it’s ok to wait at my house until a certain time, I tell her no, go sit on the porch. She knows I’m just kidding but the point is I remind her to do what she wants and to take what’s rightfully hers!

Respect peoples boundaries, but stop people pleasing. This is going to benefit you in so many ways, because the more you do what you want and own your right to the space you’re in, the more relaxed people will be around you.

Consider that by giving up your tendency to try and please others all the time, you’re actually giving them the opportunity to relax when they’re around you, instead of absorb all that tension you’re putting off by wondering if you’re good enough.

No one is perfect, it’s ok to just be who you are. Some will take it, some will leave it. True happiness and fulfillment doesn’t come from something outside of you, so get out there and start learning how to generate positive feelings from within. Own it, you’ve got this

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Sheleana Aiyana

Creator, Founder at Rising Woman
Sheleana is a writer, mentor and conscious relationship coach. As the Creator and Founder of RisingWoman.com her intention is to uplift and inspire women to unravel their core truth for healthier, happier and more purposeful lives.
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